Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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