Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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