Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
