i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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