I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
