I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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