You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
