just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
