Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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