How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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