I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
