She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
