every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
