Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
