You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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