I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
