By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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