Your mouth is God's brothel.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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