they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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