He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
