Fine. I'll sleep in my office
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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