Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
