It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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