Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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