fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Still dying that you shit outside
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
