with your own penis?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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