And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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