YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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