U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
