Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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