I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
