she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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