This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize