Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
