you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
