it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
