fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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