man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
