Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
