did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
