I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize