i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
