If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
