We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize