Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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