I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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