Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
