I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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