craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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