My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
