my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
