Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
