Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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