Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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