Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
