Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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