toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
