Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
