I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize