So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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