and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
