im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
