I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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