Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
