Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize