Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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