It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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