Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
