i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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