life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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