I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
