Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
