I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
