I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
