Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize