6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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