When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my shit smells like andre
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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