Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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