Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize