if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How naked do you want me to be?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
