i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
