whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
