Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
