my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
