my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
