May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
