Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
