Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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