I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
