There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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