Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
