Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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