thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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