i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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