Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
