Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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