Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
