That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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