Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
